Step 1 of 4
What Has This Person Spent on You?
Think of one person outside your immediate family who has bought you things, paid for things, or given you money or gifts. If you can't think of anyone, this is a useful preview for the future.
Step 2 of 4
Can They Actually Afford This?
Before you decide how you feel about someone's generosity — ask whether it makes sense given what they do for a living. This is not rude. This is math. Go to bls.gov/ooh or Google "[their job title] average salary Colorado Springs".
What the percentage tells you
Step 3 of 4
What It Feels Like vs. What It Actually Is
Grooming does not start with danger. It starts with someone who seems to really understand you.
| What it feels like | What it actually is |
|---|
| "Someone finally gets me" | They are listening for what you are missing so they can provide it deliberately |
| "They treat me better than people my age" | They are building a comparison that slowly isolates you from your peers |
| "They give without asking for anything" | The ask comes later, after the gift has created a sense of obligation |
| "They are the only one who really listens" | Isolation from other support systems is deliberate, not a coincidence |
| "They talk to me like an adult" | Flattery designed to make you feel special and more mature than you are |
| "Our relationship is special and private" | Secrecy is not romantic. It is a warning sign. |
| "My parents would not understand us" | This means: do not tell the people responsible for keeping you safe |
Green Flags — These suggest genuine care
They know and have met my parents or guardians
They would be comfortable if my parents knew everything about our relationship
They have never asked me to keep anything secret from my family
They encourage me to spend time with my friends and family, not just them
If I said no to something, I am confident they would accept it without being upset
The amount they spend on me makes sense given what they do for a living
Green flags checked: 0 out of 6
Warning Flags — Talk to a trusted adult if you check any of these
They have asked me to keep our relationship or conversations secret
They have said my parents or friends would not understand
They get upset, withdraw, or pressure me when I say no to something
They have sent me sexual messages, images, or asked for photos
They spend money on me that does not match what they say they earn
I met them online and we have never met in person with other people present
I feel like I would owe them something if I stopped talking to them
They have tried to turn me against my family or closest friends
Something feels off but I cannot explain why
Warning flags checked: 0 out of 9
Step 4 of 4
You Are Not in Trouble. You Have Options.
If something in this workbook made you think of a real situation
You are not in trouble. You have not done anything wrong. And you have options.
Accepting a gift does not mean you agreed to anything else. You cannot owe someone access to your body. Not for gifts. Not for money. Not for anything.
The sentence that starts the conversation
"There is someone who has been giving me things and I am not sure what they want. Can I talk to you about it?"
That is enough. A trusted adult — a parent, counselor, teacher, coach — can help you figure out the rest. You do not have to have all the answers before you start.
National Trafficking Hotline
1-888-373-7888
Text HELP to 233733 · 24 hours · No name required
Crisis Text Line
Text HOME to 741741
Free · Confidential · 24 hours · A real person responds
"You are not paranoid for asking questions. You are just someone who knows what they are worth."
What This Lesson Connects To in Your Community
The organizations that close these gaps need funding. The people who decide funding need audiences.
TESSA, Covenant Love Outreach, and other organizations serving youth in Colorado Springs receive funding from county boards that meet in nearly empty rooms every month. You can be in one of those rooms. You don't need credentials. You need a Tuesday and parking on Vermijo.
Funds Youth Services · Direct Connection
Community Development Advisory Committee
3rd Wednesday · 12:30 PM · 9 E. Vermijo Ave · Oversees CDBG funding for orgs like TESSA and Covenant Love
Rehabilitation Infrastructure
Community Corrections Board
3rd Wednesday · 12:15 PM · 17 N. Spruce St · Oversees alternative sentencing and recovery services
"A written comment submitted to CDAC specifically referencing TESSA's funding gap is a civic credential. It goes in the public record. It can be cited on a college application. A board member who sees your name twice becomes a potential reference. This is how four hours and a Wednesday builds something real."
Apply for a county board →
TESSA Colorado Springs →
